COULD NOT

Nobody knows what is wrong with me.

They debate and murmur and speculate, they have false eureka moments.

I cannot eat, I do not sleep.

I cannot be ‘normal’.

My mama says no child of hers is going to see a doctor.

No child of hers will be treated by a doctor that treats mad people.

If four fingers are soiled, the fifth will also be soiled.

She curses and curses,

She offers sacrifices at the corner.

I think I am going mad.

I cry all the time now.

At the drop of a hat, even.

And the tears dry up as quickly as they come.

My mama is scared.

Father will kick her out,

The other wives will laugh and clap their hands.

A monumental disgrace.

Her reward for refusing to throw me away at birth.

The man had said that I was cursed by the gods, and my father had dug a hole in the ground, “we will tell them that the baby died shortly after birth.”

I hide away from everyone.

It is loud.

Everyone is loud, and the people in my head are worse.

They have no regard for space.

My mama cannot breathe.

The fumes are killing her.

She holds my hands, and tells me to be strong.

She tells me to be strong.

I failed my mama

I could not be strong.

I could not be strong.

I laughed and laughed.

I couldn’t stop laughing.

And so father threw me out.

I tried, I did.

But no one wanted me.

I hated food, I hated people, I hated me.

I laughed, I cried, and I refused to sleep.

They would kill me if I slept.

In the end, I did it myself.

I saw my mama on the water.

And I walked out to meet her.

The End.

I apologize if this causes any sort of discomfort or if the subject matter is a trigger for you. But there are things that need to be said, and people have need to learn more about this. Especially in the rural communities.

And can GenZ please stop saying they're "depressed" because things are not happening for them like social media says it should?

This photo belongs to Bruno Scramgnon on Pexels.