THE ILLUSIONS OF A GRAND FEMINIST (2)

 

Nigerian women are equal.

The biggest lie Nigerian women tell themselves is that we are all equal. Yes, they champion feminine causes and dedicate their purses and swaying hips to protect the girl child, but they’d never agree that we are all equal, never.

The woman driving her Mercedes Benz GLK 350 will buy peppers from the woman with a tray atop used car tyres, and maybe buy a tomato or two, because she wishes to be a woman helping another woman, and so helping this woman selling peppers champions the feminist cause, “helping women who are not fortunate to be like you”. Of course, this pepper seller is worse off than she is, unhappily married to a drunkard, a great, big, hulking brute of a penised fellow. And of course, this feminist champion cannot help but slip into big sister mode, admiring glances are the trigger for the feminist manifesto. Assumptions come with the handbook, and the training manual has a whole chapter dedicated to it, “How To Tear Off The Shackles of Domesticity: You Don’t Need A Man.”

Haha, I’m crooning in delight as I write this.

Nigerian women often think of other women as their rivals. Yes, they’ll complain, if and when a scandal breaks out on Twitter and they can suddenly relate to the nemesis of their existence, ‘gender discrimination and in the workplace of all places! After all, penised fellows have stopped them from getting their promotions and climbing the career ladder. However, in that little corner of their big, loving hearts, they often wonder if Lola really sleeps with the boss's boss and if Chika's bag was bought with the supposed earnings commission. Why else do they gather and subconsciously and consciously price the wigs, shoes, bags, and dresses? Why else do they want the same hairdressers and want the same hair vendors? Gloating, however subtle, is a favourite pastime of many Nigerian women. You can’t deny that.

Simply put, Nigerian women are taught to be jealous of other women, and the true masters of the “Jealousy Movement” are the ones with their shoes tied and their placards in hand, ready to yell, “Men must go!”

So, what do you think, are women really jealous of other women, or am I just hating?