AUGUST!

I have experienced new things recently.

Some good, some bad, some neutral like Switzerland. 

I keep equating neutral to Switzerland whilst I ask myself, "were they ever truly neutral?" WW11 history buffs should have a field day with this one.

I have experienced what it is like to feel an instantaneous attraction to someone and to be too helpless to do anything about it; I have seen that wisdom sometimes demands that you act like a spineless coward, and I have seen how your thoughts about yourself can stop others from needing you, needing what you can give.

I have also experienced for the first time in all of my years this circle of blue sky and green earth, what is called a panic attack, or maybe an anxiety attack. I can still feel my legs shaking in my boots, my chest heaving from trying to breathe too hard and too quickly, and my worry-o-meter refusing to dip below the red line.

I have seen firsthand how dreams escape, wisps of smoke curling into the air, the dreamer too tired to chase them down. I have seen how bad decisions by a few affect so many and how circumstances gleefully force man's adaptative instinct into play.

I have heard stories that portray humanity at peak and low moments. I have witnessed the trepidation that comes with newfound love. I have listened to truth, lies, and all that comes in between. 

I have gained some experience.

And I have learned lessons.

I see now that every day, my real self manifests itself. It isn't whole yet, sometimes it's a sliver, sometimes it is a muffled cough, other times it is a wink. But it does show. And I am glad to see it and I allow it.

Why?

Because I have learned that to deny my real self is to die, slowly and in severe pain.

Till the next time,

Who knew 19 days in a regimented space could yield all of this?

I have had to learn to breathe and keep my head above water, thus, I thought I'd share with you this month.

Have a wonderful August!

P.S. Photo belongs to Dids on Pexels. An amazing photographer.