Some good, some bad, some neutral like Switzerland.
I keep equating neutral to Switzerland whilst I ask myself, "were they ever truly neutral?" WW11 history buffs should have a field day with this one.
I have experienced what it is like to feel an instantaneous attraction to someone and to be too helpless to do anything about it; I have seen that wisdom sometimes demands that you act like a spineless coward, and I have seen how your thoughts about yourself can stop others from needing you, needing what you can give.
I have also experienced for the first time in all of my years this circle of blue sky and green earth, what is called a panic attack, or maybe an anxiety attack. I can still feel my legs shaking in my boots, my chest heaving from trying to breathe too hard and too quickly, and my worry-o-meter refusing to dip below the red line.
I have seen firsthand how dreams escape, wisps of smoke curling into the air, the dreamer too tired to chase them down. I have seen how bad decisions by a few affect so many and how circumstances gleefully force man's adaptative instinct into play.
I have heard stories that portray humanity at peak and low moments. I have witnessed the trepidation that comes with newfound love. I have listened to truth, lies, and all that comes in between.
I have gained some experience.
And I have learned lessons.
I see now that every day, my real self manifests itself. It isn't whole yet, sometimes it's a sliver, sometimes it is a muffled cough, other times it is a wink. But it does show. And I am glad to see it and I allow it.
Why?
Because I have learned that to deny my real self is to die, slowly and in severe pain.
Till the next time,
Who knew 19 days in a regimented space could yield all of this?
I have had to learn to breathe and keep my head above water, thus, I thought I'd share with you this month.
Have a wonderful August!
P.S. Photo belongs to Dids on Pexels. An amazing photographer.
I loved reading this!
ReplyDeleteI am glad that you loved it.
DeleteThank you, Beverly.
I could absolutely relate. The whirlwind of emotions makes you marvel and shudder at the complexity of life.
ReplyDeleteYes, it does. And you wonder why.
DeleteThank you so much, Louisa.